Why Kids Misbehave Most Around the People They Feel Safest With (And What Lilo & Stitch Can Teach Us About It)
Your Child Isn't Saving Their Worst Behavior for You...
They're Saving Their Safest Feelings.
One of my favorite moments in Lilo & Stitch isn't funny.
It isn't Stitch surfing.
It isn't the chaos.
It's watching Lilo continue to love someone whose nervous system is constantly preparing for danger.
Because if I’m being honest? That's what many parents are living every single day.
Your child walks into school and holds it together.
Grandma says they were "perfect."
The teacher says they had a great day.
Then they get in the car with you...
…and everything falls apart.
I’m talking the meltdowns, the crying, the yelling, the aruing.
Sometimes complete silence.
And as parents, we naturally wonder:
"Why me?"
But what if the answer is actually beautiful?
Spot the Clue 🐾
At Dalmatian Place, we spend a lot of time spotting clues instead of flaws.
Here's one of my favorite clues:
Children usually fall apart where they feel safest.
Think about Stitch.
He spent his whole life preparing for danger.
Running.
Fighting.
Protecting himself.
Even after he found his Ohana, his nervous system didn't instantly believe he was safe.
Healing took time.
Our kids are often exactly the same.
The Emotional Navigator
I often tell families:
Your child's brain has its own little navigation system.
Sometimes that GPS is using an old map.
Their brain keeps saying,
"Watch out!"
even though today is actually safe.
That's why I call it becoming an Emotional Navigator.
Instead of asking:
"How do I stop this behavior?"
We start asking:
"What is this behavior trying to tell me?"
That is the MAGIC,and when things start to Change!
What If Your Child Isn't Giving You Their Worst...
What if they're giving you their safest?
The place where they finally don't have to pretend.
The place where they can let the mask fall off.
The place where they know someone will stay.
That's a completely different story.
Three Clues to Spot This Week
🐾 Spot #1
Notice when the meltdown happens.
Is it after swim lessons?
Bedtime?
Leaving an activity?
Transitions tell us a lot.
🐾 Spot #2
Instead of correcting first...
Get curious first.
"What happened today?"
"I wonder if your brain has been working really hard."
“I’m noticing”
“Your body is letting me know that you are feeling really tired”
🐾 Spot #3
Remember:
Connection calms before correction teaches.
A regulated adult is one of the greatest gifts we can give a dysregulated child.
What Lilo Got Right
Lilo wasn't perfect.
Nani wasn't perfect.
Stitch definitely wasn't perfect.
But they kept showing up for one another.
Healing doesn't happen because families never struggle.
Healing happens because someone stays.
That's what Ohana really looks like.
From My Heart, Miss Jess’s Corner
I know how exhausting this season can be.
I'm a mom of five.
I've celebrated milestones, survived meltdowns, questioned myself, cried in the car, and wondered if I was getting any of it right.
I've also learned something that completely changed the way I parented:
Kids don't need perfect parents.
They need parents who stay curious.
Who repair.
Who keep showing up. Who DELIGHT in WHO they are!
That's why I built Dalmatian Place the way I did.
Not because I have all the answers.
But because I've lived long enough to know that families deserve support, not judgment.
I want every parent who walks through my doors to feel like they're sitting across from a friend over coffee, not being evaluated.
Because parenting is hard.
And it becomes so much lighter when someone helps you start spotting clues instead of flaws.
Want to Practice Spotting Clues?
Download this week's free printable:
A simple one-page family activity that helps parents notice:
When emotions show up
What happened right before
What helped
One thing to celebrate today
Small moments become big breakthroughs when we start noticing the clues.
Looking Ahead
At the end of this month, we will be diving into another favorite family movie.
We're talking about Emotions!
And what happens when every feeling has something important to say.
(If you know...you know. 😉)
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does my child only melt down at home?
Home is often the place where children finally feel safe enough to release all the stress they've been holding in throughout the day. While it doesn't make the behavior easy, it can be a sign that your child trusts you enough to let their guard down.
Is my child manipulating me?
Most children aren't trying to manipulate—they're communicating. Big behaviors often signal an overwhelmed nervous system rather than intentional defiance.
How can play therapy help my child?
Play is a child's natural language. Through play therapy, children can safely express feelings, process experiences, and develop healthier ways to regulate emotions when words alone aren't enough.
Can EMDR help children with anxiety or trauma?
Yes. EMDR can help children process overwhelming experiences so their brains no longer respond as though the danger is still happening. We adapt EMDR in child-friendly ways using play, creativity, and developmentally appropriate techniques.
When should I reach out for support?
If your child's emotions are interfering with daily life, family relationships, school, sleep, or if you're feeling overwhelmed as a parent, you don't have to figure it out alone.
❤️ Before You Go...
If no one has told you this lately...
You're probably doing better than you think.
Parenting children with big emotions isn't easy.
Some days you'll stay calm.
Some days you'll lose your patience.
Some days you'll wonder if you're getting any of it right.
I have those days too.
The goal isn't perfection.
The goal is connection.
Because children don't need perfect parents.
They need parents who are willing to come back, repair, and keep showing up.
This week, I want to leave you with one simple challenge.
Instead of asking,
"How do I stop this behavior?"
Try asking,
"What is my child trying to tell me?"
When we stop chasing the behavior and start spotting the clues, we often discover a child who isn't trying to make life difficult…
They're simply hoping someone will understand.
And maybe...
Just maybe...
That someone can be us.
❤️🐾
From My Family to Yours,
Thank you for letting me be a small part of your parenting journey.
Whether we ever meet in my therapy office or simply connect here each week, I hope Dalmatian Place feels like a place where you and your family can breathe a little easier.
Because every child deserves to be seen.
Every parent deserves grace.
And every story deserves someone willing to look beyond the behavior.
Until next time...
Keep spotting the clues.
❤️ Jessica Anderson, LPC
Founder, Dalmatian Place in Longview, TX
Spotting the ReSolve
"Restoring joy, one spot at a time."
